I am an Ironman. I belong to an elite group of athletes who have the honor of saying this. And since returning from Ironman, many people have asked me to share my journey. I have tried numerous times to articulate that day, but I believe that words will ever do it justice. The reason I attempted Ironman was for it's enormity, and I guess I got what I asked for. It was so huge, in so many ways, that unless you've done those 140.6 miles, it's really hard to explain. But let me try...
Let's start at the beginning. No, not the swim start. The beginning. In July of 2012 when I volunteered just to get a spot. I had been competing in sprint triathlons. I came to win. But Ironman lived in me. I had known of it since my parents had done triathlons decades before me. I knew how enormous it was. And I had heard the stories, seen the videos of Kona, and was envious of this effort. I wanted a shot at the Ironman status. Patience is not a strong suit, so I decided I'd give it a go. Now. Why wait? Lot's a people questioned me. Have you done an Olympic? No. A 70.3? No. A century ride? Nope. A marathon? No. OK...a half marathon? Again, no. So, let's get this straight. You have done a sprint triathlon and now you are going to attempt an Ironman? And the answer was YES. Because when I want something, I commit to it and I make it happen. I didn't listen to anyone who wanted to tell me it was kind of unheard of to do this. I believed I could. The thing is, I didn't care to do an Olympic, 70.3, marathon. I just wanted to do an Ironman. So I signed up and was on my way.
My journey started with the greatest of intentions. I'm a planner and had every step mapped out. Like a well-oiled machine, I would conquer this in true Blue fashion. I would build up my distances slowly, and focus on my general health the entire time. It seemed to be simple enough. I didn't say easy, I said simple. Haha.
And then I hit every single obstacle I could manage to hit. Like taking your bike out for a nice, smooth spin and then you realize it's just a bunch of potholes. One is manageable, two are annoying, three you might flat and fix it. But after several, you wonder why the hell you even begun. And if it's going to be like this, maybe you should just go home and forget the whole thing. But failure isn't an option, and being stubborn is one of my best(and worst) traits. So every obstacle fueled my fire. And gave me a reason to be proud. I would just wonder at times, what's next? And I began to almost look forward to my next obstacle. I got tough. I got really tough.
I learned that every obstacle is a crossroads. You pick your next path. So every obstacle was just another opportunity to re-assess and switch my path if need be. It helped that I had people who had decided to come along on my journey. When you are the captain of a ship, and you feel like people are looking to you, you will not be the weak one. And though there were times when I had no idea what I was doing, and I felt like I might be so off, I continued to sail my ship until I figured it out. Having people around me, supporting me, really made me look into myself and decide to handle things with grace. No one wants to look up to a crying, babbling, unsure idiot. I began to conduct myself with grace, courage, and pride. I would sail this Ironman ship!
The training was hard. So hard. Most days I worked out at least twice, and some days I would leave at 7am and get home at 4pm. Long days. Lots of sacrifice, in more ways than you ever could have imagined. My recovery days turned in to what a normal person might do in a week. Recovery ride=you ONLY have to ride for 5 hours. Thanks a lot. Nutrition becomes your fourth discipline. And you learn to value your body as a fuel source. When you eat, you eat for your next ride or run. You are less concerned with calories, and more concerned about what KIND of calories they are. I have never taken care of my body like that. It was an honor, actually. Most of all, a lot of time spent alone. A lot of long rides, runs, swims with the person who you tend to neglect the most...yourself. You get to know who you are, who you want to be. A lot of questions you never had cared to delve into, surface. And you have hours to figure it out. For a while, you can silence the questions. But then you play along. You think, let's go there. Let's figure this out. What else am I doing on this bike for six hours? And the question that I finally answered was, who do you want to be?
Arizona, November 17 and I am in the water at the start line of the swim of Ironman. I had worked for a year and a half to show up here. To be in this very moment. For my shot at Ironman. And I had been thrown off-course, tripped, beaten down, resurrected, and patched up numerous times. And I had persevered and made it to this exact moment. And I was faced with this huge, enormous, great, awesome day. Ironman. And as I was at the swim start, in the very front row, among 2500 others who came to play, I was confronted with that question again. WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?
I swam with ease, I rode with a smile, and I ran with gratitude. Every single step. If you were witness to this journey, you saw it. I never looked like I was suffering. In fact, I was not. I was just so freaking happy to have had the opportunity to show up to this amazing opportunity. And I proved to myself, and those around me, that you can do anything. ANYTHING, your way. If you want to do an Ironman and suffer, be my guest. If you come to race for time, have at it. That's your journey. For me, it was about conquering Ironman my way. My way, with grace and courage. And, most importantly, with a smile and a huge amount of gratitude. Ironman was just the icing on the cake. Everything else...the training, nutrition, journey was the really important part.
I am so grateful for Ironman. I learned everything about myself. Everything I wanted and needed to know, but was always to scared to ask, was answered for me. And now I can answer with honesty...Who do you want to be? And it's thanks to Ironman for giving me that gift.
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