The truth about friends...

I try to set an intention for every workout.  Training for Ironman, my intention was very goal-oriented and focused.  After Ironman, my intentions have become very different.  Lately my intentions have ranged from my future, my marriage and my family and friends.  Today, I was thinking a lot about friendships.

As Easton and I headed out to "tear up some trails" something just clicked.  Some of my best friends have four legs!  It's been like this since I was old enough to know the meaning of the word "friend."  I thought about a few of my favorites and why they hold such a special place in my heart.  Hey, I'm not opposed to a two-legged friend, but I think the furry, four-legged kind are the ones we can learn the most from.

There was Roxy, the Yellow Labrador.  I had just learned to drive and she was my partner in crime.  She would hop in to my little red BMW, and we would drive with the windows down to the dog beach.  She would jump right in to the water and swim and swim.  She always looked so happy.  I didn't need to do much for her...just drive her to the beach.  She had that boxy Labrador head and when she passed away, I thought my heart would never mend. 

Gabilan was my first baby.  I hear people all the time say I don't know what true love is since I don't have a human child, but I agree to disagree.  I saw Gabilan the Thoroughbred drop to the ground and I was in love.  My heart was so full it could have burst.  We did it all.  I raised him from morning to night, introducing him to the world as he would know it.  I saw him grow from a tiny foal to handsome young man.  It was a once in a lifetime experience.  Gabilan will always be my "first born" even if I do one day have a human baby. 

Baile was my "special horse."  She was a Selle Francais Warmblood and she was hot, and nervous and the most beautiful horse ever.  She taught me how to really ride.  She taught me patience and love.  She was the last thing I had of my grandfather and I held on to her until she couldn't hold on anymore.  Baile was the sweetest horse you could have met, but the world frightened her.  She looked to me for guidance and because of her, I learned to be a leader.  I learned what it is to lead without aggression or dominance, but with patience, kindness and love.

Fina, the Yorkshire Terrier, came to me from very cruel beginnings in a puppy mill.  The lady had said she had a bad grooming experience, but really she had Ringworm, fleas and was emaciated.  She was knocking on death's door when I picked her up from the airport.  I nursed her back to health and she has been my healthiest, hardiest friend to date.  Fina is all of 4 pounds, but I haven't known a dog with a bigger heart.  She has seen me through some of my hardest times.  There were days when I wanted to give up on the world, but I could never give up on Fina.  She is independent, strong and sweet.  She is quiet, but has recently found her voice with the new addition of Easton.  Fina is content to sleep all day and just relax.  She promotes it actually.  I have tried to take her on walks and she isn't having it.  Her paws might be ten years old, but they might as well be puppy paws.  And who I am to ruin that for her?  Fina always knows when you need her, and will curl up on your lap and just sit.  When Jeff's dad died years ago, Fina went to stay with him and cheer him up.  Fina does her job marvelously.

And then there is Tiffany.  I spent every day looking for a Ragdoll cat to rescue and they are not easy to come by.  Years passed.  Then one day at Target I found a small child, lost from her mother.  When I returned the crying child to her mother, I received no thanks, no appreciation.  Nothing.  But then, that night, I found Tiffany.  Her owner was an old lady who could no longer keep her because she was in a walker and Tiffany posed a health hazard.  But the lady was not in a hurry to find her a new home.  I drove for hours and when I saw her, I knew she would be a part of the family.  She is gorgeous, and the sweetest little Ragdoll.  Jeff had said he didn't like cats, and it's true.  He doesn't like Tiffany AT ALL.  He adores her!  They have a ritual.  Jeff comes home and Tiffany greets him at the door, meowing.  Jeff asks, "Tiffany, do you want me to shake you?"  She meows.  And then Jeff picks her up and she goes limp like a Ragdoll and just purrs and purrs.  Cats give feedback.  They will let you know if you are doing something well.  And Jeff is her number one, despite my best efforts.  She hates that I always smell like girly lotion.  So, Jeff is her guy, and I'm the smelly mom.

Easton was my dream dog before he ever actually existed.  Like I assume some people desire purses, or sports cars, or a big house...I wanted a German Shorthair Pointer.  I talked about them, obsessed about them and looked at pictures online for hours.  I finally did my research, found a great breeder, and saved up my money for the dog, the toys and gear and the training.  When I saw his little face online for the first time, I was 100% convinced he should be mine.  He had huge, dopey ears and a big head and perfect markings.  He had a spot by his tail that made it look like someone just popped his tail on in the perfect spot.  To me, he was perfect.  When I met him, I cried.  And so did he.  All the way home.  He gets very attached to his friends and leaving his littermates was hard for him.  But he grew up to be everything I wanted in a friend.  He will run with me any day, any time, any condition, with no complaints.  It's raining.  Let's run.  It's hot.  Let's run.  It's perfect.  Let's run.  He will always go at my pace, even if it is always slower than he prefers.  He will pull me up a hill if I need it, and will slow down and walk in front of me going down a hill so I don't fall.  He will bark if there is someone who looks threatening, and he will greet you if you are kind.  He drinks perfectly out of a water bottle, and I'm happy to share with him.  He runs with ease and never looks fatigued.  He is an inspiration to me.  He never looks bummed to be out running.  He always has his panting smile on, and his big floppy ears bounce up and down as he floats along.  I'm always happier when he comes along.  He is what a friend should be.  I will never receive a mean email from him, or a text saying he is upset over something petty.  He will always be there, waiting.  Ready to go on whatever adventure we want to get in to next.  Easton has really brought a different dynamic to our family.  And he has made me really appreciate what a friend can be.  He makes me smile every day.

 

Friends are a special part of life.  They make things that were just okay, seem so much better.  They fulfill us in ways we can't do on our own.  Friends help us when we are down, and when we are up, and all those shades of grey in between.  I feel so lucky that some of the role models I've had have been four-legged, because there is so much we can learn from their kindness, lack of judgment, and loyalty.  They ask for very little, but give so much.  I hope you all are so lucky to have friends like mine!

Basic needs

I really have no recollection of being an infant.  Thankfully, there are pictures.  And let me tell you...there was a lot of yellow in my wardrobe!  But, I know I was happy and content.  I'm pretty sure it was because my thought process was very simple.  It went something like this...

Am I fed?
Am I clean and dry?
Am I loved?
Are all my basic needs met?

That's it.  As long as these very necessary things were fulfilled, then so was I.  That was all it took back then.  Life happens, we grow up and we have different experiences.  We are prisoners of society.  We are impressionable.  The questions we start to ask in order to be fulfilled begin to take on a long laundry list.  And when you have to answer "yes" to 100 questions in order to be fulfilled, things start to get tough.  We are ultimately setting ourselves up, aren't we?  The questions get deeper, more complex, and hard to say "yes" to.  We ask...

Am I good enough?  Thin enough?  Strong enough?  Fast enough?  Do people like me?  Do I have enough money?  Does this match?  Do these pants make me look like I have a muffin top?  Where can I get a delicious organic chicken?  Is my car fuel efficient?  Are these people my real friends?  Should I buy a house in this economy?  What is my next race?  Where am I spiritually?  Should I swim, bike or run today?  Do I have cervical cancer again?  What if my loved one passes on?  Do I ever want a child?  Where the heck did I put my car keys?!  The list goes on.  Everyone's is slightly different, but they are all the same.  Complicated questions with no absolute answer.

We start living with anxiety, worry, and a constant sense of not living up to what our lives "should" be.  It's nearly impossible to live a happy life trying to answer these questions that are always bubbling up.  You want so desperately to answer them all, but it's not gonna happen.  So let's spin it. 

What if...we went back to those basic needs and based our lives on the answers to those very simple questions?  What if you were able to say "yes" to every one of them?  Could you stop worrying and wondering and pondering and just LIVE YOUR LIFE SIMPLY? 

Let's try it.

Am I fed?  YES!  I am fed so well.  In fact, I haven't wanted for a meal since a few weeks ago when I had to fast for labwork.  Winning!  My main concern is not eating too much.  Basic need #1 met.  Happy girl.

Am I clean and dry?  Every day!  Okay, well, I do work out a lot and tend to sweat buckets, but I am always able to take a shower, get clean and dry and sleep in a warm house and a nice bed.  Basic need#2 met.  Happy girl.

Am I loved?  More than I ever thought possible.  In fact, at times I am overwhelmed by the amount of love in my life.  Not a bad "problem" to have.  Basic need #3 met.  Happy girl.

Are all my basic needs met?  I have a roof over my head, I have the means to remain warm, dry and fed and I am loved immensely.  Basic needs met.  Happy girl.

Throw the others questions out.  I'm not saying you shouldn't visit some more "mature" questions from time to time, but if everyone would be willing to base their happiness and success in life based of those very simple questions, I think we'd all feel more grateful, more fulfilled and most of all...HAPPY.  Happiness can be quite simple...if we let it be! 

It's more than an Ironman

I am an Ironman.  I belong to an elite group of athletes who have the honor of saying this.  And since returning from Ironman, many people have asked me to share my journey.  I have tried numerous times to articulate that day, but I believe that words will ever do it justice.  The reason I attempted Ironman was for it's enormity, and I guess I got what I asked for.  It was so huge, in so many ways, that unless you've done those 140.6 miles, it's really hard to explain.  But let me try...

Let's start at the beginning.  No, not the swim start.  The beginning.  In July of 2012 when I volunteered just to get a spot.  I had been competing in sprint triathlons.  I came to win.  But Ironman lived in me.  I had known of it since my parents had done triathlons decades before me.  I knew how enormous it was.  And I had heard the stories, seen the videos of Kona, and was envious of this effort.  I wanted a shot at the Ironman status.  Patience is not a strong suit, so I decided I'd give it a go.  Now.  Why wait?  Lot's a people questioned me.  Have you done an Olympic?  No.  A 70.3?  No.  A century ride?  Nope.  A marathon?  No.  OK...a half marathon?  Again, no.  So, let's get this straight.  You have done a sprint triathlon and now you are going to attempt an Ironman?  And the answer was YES.  Because when I want something, I commit to it and I make it happen.  I didn't listen to anyone who wanted to tell me it was kind of unheard of to do this.  I believed I could.  The thing is, I didn't care to do an Olympic, 70.3, marathon.  I just wanted to do an Ironman.  So I signed up and was on my way.

My journey started with the greatest of intentions.  I'm a planner and had every step mapped out.  Like a well-oiled machine, I would conquer this in true Blue fashion.  I would build up my distances slowly, and focus on my general health the entire time.  It seemed to be simple enough.  I didn't say easy, I said simple.  Haha.

And then I hit every single obstacle I could manage to hit.  Like taking your bike out for a nice, smooth spin and then you realize it's just a bunch of potholes.  One is manageable, two are annoying, three you might flat and fix it.  But after several, you wonder why the hell you even begun.  And if it's going to be like this, maybe you should just go home and forget the whole thing.  But failure isn't an option, and being stubborn is one of my best(and worst) traits.  So every obstacle fueled my fire.  And gave me a reason to be proud.  I would just wonder at times, what's next?  And I began to almost look forward to my next obstacle.  I got tough.  I got really tough. 

I learned that every obstacle is a crossroads.  You pick your next path.  So every obstacle was just another opportunity to re-assess and switch my path if need be.   It helped that I had people who had decided to come along on my journey.  When you are the captain of a ship, and you feel like people are looking to you, you will not be the weak one.  And though there were times when I had no idea what I was doing, and I felt like I might be so off, I continued to sail my ship until I figured it out.  Having people around me, supporting me, really made me look into myself and decide to handle things with grace.  No one wants to look up to a crying, babbling, unsure idiot.  I began to conduct myself with grace, courage, and pride.  I would sail this Ironman ship!

The training was hard.  So hard.  Most days I worked out at least twice, and some days I would leave at 7am and get home at 4pm.  Long days.  Lots of sacrifice, in more ways than you ever could have imagined.  My recovery days turned in to what a normal person might do in a week.  Recovery ride=you ONLY have to ride for 5 hours.  Thanks a lot.  Nutrition becomes your fourth discipline.  And you learn to value your body as a fuel source.  When you eat, you eat for your next ride or run.  You are less concerned with calories, and more concerned about what KIND of calories they are.  I have never taken care of my body like that.  It was an honor, actually.  Most of all, a lot of time spent alone.  A lot of long rides, runs, swims with the person who you tend to neglect the most...yourself.  You get to know who you are, who you want to be.  A lot of questions you never had cared to delve into, surface.  And you have hours to figure it out.  For a while, you can silence the questions.  But then you play along.  You think, let's go there.  Let's figure this out.  What else am I doing on this bike for six hours?  And the question that I finally answered was, who do you want to be?

Arizona, November 17 and I am in the water at the start line of the swim of Ironman.  I had worked for a year and a half to show up here.  To be in this very moment.  For my shot at Ironman.  And I had been thrown off-course, tripped, beaten down, resurrected, and patched up numerous times.  And I had persevered and  made it to this exact moment.  And I was faced with this huge, enormous, great, awesome day.  Ironman.  And as I was at the swim start, in the very front row, among 2500 others who came to play, I was confronted with that question again.  WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

I swam with ease, I rode with a smile, and I ran with gratitude.  Every single step.  If you were witness to this journey, you saw it.  I never looked like I was suffering.  In fact, I was not.  I was just so freaking happy to have had the opportunity to show up to this amazing opportunity.  And I proved to myself, and those around me, that you can do anything.  ANYTHING, your way.  If you want to do an Ironman and suffer, be my guest.  If you come to race for time, have at it.  That's your journey.  For me, it was about conquering Ironman my way.  My way, with grace and courage.  And, most importantly, with a smile and a huge amount of gratitude.  Ironman was just the icing on the cake.  Everything else...the training, nutrition, journey was the really important part.

I am so grateful for Ironman.  I learned everything about myself.  Everything I wanted and needed to know, but was always to scared to ask, was answered for me.  And now I can answer with honesty...Who do you want to be?  And it's thanks to Ironman for giving me that gift.