I didn't really ask these questions before I was diagnosed. I sped through my life tied up with a pretty bow and a smile on my face. Like being on the freeway, I was fast and didn't ever really enjoy the view. I knew where I was going and I was determined to get there as quickly as possible. I mean, what other way would you get to where you were going? And then you hear that awful "C" word and you stop. Slam on the brakes and you are off that freeway. Parked on the side of the road, wondering where to go now. You are forced to hold a mirror up and examine who you are. How are you going to handle this? How will this define you? Who are you?
I took a long look in that mirror and it was apparent that the smile wasn't as genuine as I would have hoped. I was not the person that I wanted to be. I had spent so long, going so fast, and stressing out over the most minor things, that I had never stopped to evaluate things. It was chaos. And I was so used to the chaos that I wrote it off as being passionate, driven, determined, motivated and Type-A.
After I was diagnosed and I learned of the treatment, I was all for anything that I could do to help myself. Things that I would have looked at previously as somewhat odd, alternative or hokey, I was now wide open to. Like I said, it changes you. As long as it doesn't hurt you, it's worth a shot. Because you are desperate at this point. And that's one of the things I learned about myself during this process. Be open. Be open about who you are. Be open to new ideas. Be open to alternative ways of thinking. Because if you are not, you have hindered yourself. Big time.
The first thing I did was really clean up my diet. Yes, more than before. People get really curious, so I'll tell you. It's super exciting, I'm sure. I eat whole foods. Antioxidants are my friend. If it's not from the ground, I don't eat it. Cancer thrives on sugars and processed foods. Soy, dairy, gluten are also not my friends. So, while some people see these things as a joyous occasion, I see them as the enemy. I am not going to feed my cancer. I need to at least try to fuel my body in a positive direction. I still eat poorly on occasion. Once a week, I indulge. It's a balance, and I'm not perfect. But people don't realize how important nutrition is. You are creating a terrain for things to thrive, survive, heal, power, drive. I have learned that I need to set myself up to succeed in this area. And, man, it is fun to learn how to cook things that are nutritious, beautiful and healthy!!
The next thing I did was visit a Reiki energy healer. That changed my life. If you had told me about that 5 years ago, I would have called you a hippy and chuckled. Not that it's bad, but it was never really my style. I mean, I went through a "phase" in middle school, but let's not go there;) But when you are stuck on the side of the road, and you don't know where to go, anything is better than sitting there wondering what you can do. You make an attempt to move forward in any way you can. And for me, that was Reiki. It stopped me. Do you know it is possible to move, forward, slowly? You don't have to go fast all the time. You can get off the freeway, and take side streets and see all kinds of cool things. You can slow down, and you can learn who you really are. You can slow down, and still be YOU. Slowing down, despite popular opinion, does not mean you are stunted. Slowing down means you are willing to take the time to learn who you are, and strive to reach your true potential. You will never do that moving at 80mph on the freeway.
After becoming a modern day hippie, I learned to meditate and I now do it every day. How do people get through life with out meditating? I will never know. It has given me the gift of time, reflection, focus and mind control. I thought I could control my mind before. No, I was out of control. Meditation is really one of the most important exercises I do every day. We all focus so much on the vessel we live in, how our bodies look, but we neglect our mind. So, I make it a point to make time to work out my mind. If you think about it, throughout your day you are filled up with so many things. Stress from work, spouses, children, etc. Your "Inbox" fills up. And unless you can empty it at the end of the day, it will just keep filling and filling until it's overwhelming and you crash. Meditating is my way of letting things go, so that I can move on to the next day clear and free.
Those are the major changes I made. Perspective. Learning more about ME. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Have a reached my true potential? I still don't completely know, but I am on my way. Sometimes, you take the freeway, and other times you take the side streets. There's a time for both. As long as you are moving forward, you will never steer yourself wrong.
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