You might be a triathlete...

Do you remember those "You Might Be A Redneck If..." calendars?  And every day there was a new one.  And some were funny because they were kind of true?  Well, after becoming a triathlete I found there are some things that hold true.  And when I first started racing tris I pretty much promised I would never live up to most of these.  But now, well...

You might be a triathlete if...

*You are concerned with the aerodynamics of everything.  Yes, even your water bottle.
*You wake up at 4 am.  On purpose.
*Your tri bike costs more than your car.
*In fact, you don't even own a car
*People always think you got in to a fight due to the constant marks on your face from your goggles.
*You have cut your hair and/or considered shaving it due to the chlorine damage
*People think you are wearing a laptop on your wrist(it's your GPS)
*You are so thankful that dark nail polish is on trend because all your toenails are black anyway
*You use words like "sponsor" and you don't have an alcohol problem
*All of your vacation days are spoken for due to your race schedule
*You have saved money just to enter an Ironman
*Your freezer has more icepacks than food
*You are on a first-name basis with your doctor.  He doesn't even see you, he just sends you straight to physical therapy.
*You have become angry when someone on your Stava App beats your PR
*Wearing knee high socks is cool.  Because, well, you need compression for recovery!
*Your shoes don't have laces.  They have Yanx or bungee cord
*You have more tan lines than anyone you know
*Your friends...wait, what friends?  It's tri season!
*Snot rockets are cool in your circles.
*You don't remember the last time you actually used a restroom indoors.  Side of the road is cool with me!
*You have passed up a conversation with a riding buddy because your heart rate was getting too low.
*The race director said the water was 64 and you thought, "Yes!  I don't even need a wetsuit now!"
*You passed on that boob job because it looks like a drag to tuck those things in to a wetsuit and/or tri kit.
*You have used the word "free speed" in reference to the letter "T" and the numbers "1 and 2"
*You spent $200 on a race kit, but wouldn't even consider a pair of jeans that $$$
*Speaking of jeans, you've yet to find a pair that fits over your enormous cyclist legs and small waist.
*Must.  Eat.  All.  The.  Time.  Like now.

PLEASE...  I know there are so many more.  So share!  Hit me up.  We can all use a good laugh!

COOKIES FOR SALE!!

As some of you know, I love to eat.  Okay, love is really under-estimating it...it's a passion, really. 

Going in to Ironman training, and also dealing with cervical cancer that won't go away, I was faced with a new challenge.  How will I fuel myself?  I refuse to eat processed foods such as: GUs, gels and most bars.  Hmmmm.  I guess that leaves the option of figuring it out for myself.  So, I put on my thinking cap(it's pink, btw) and decided that I would bake my own "cookies" for fuel.  I knew I would need a little bit of everything, but it couldn't be too processed.  And thus, my little Tri Cookies were born.  And, they have really worked for me!!  I don't experience any GI upset when fueling, and I get just the right amount of nutrients.  Most of all, they are delicious and I feel really good about knowing what's going in to my body.  I have posted the recipe on previous blogs.  It's simple, but it's good, and it's effective.  And since it's worked for me and I'm all excited about it, I thought I'd try something out.

I'm sitting here, in my house, recovering from yet another cervical cancer surgery.  I can't work for a couple weeks and so that means I have no income.  So what can I do to still effect others positively, while keeping myself occupied, and maybe making some money to put towards my Ironman fund? 

I WILL BAKE THESE TRI COOKIES AND SELL THEM!   That's just good for everyone!!

So, here I go!!  It's on!  Stock up on these cookies and eat them for a delicious snack, healthy dessert, or use them as your fuel on long rides or runs.  They are Oatmeal Pumpkin Dark Chocolate Cranberry.  I also add peanut butter for some extra protein.  But you can also get them with out the PB.  Feel free to call, text or email with any other questions.   

Each Tri Cookie has 100 calories, which is as much as a GU or gel.  And, for a limited time...they can be yours for only $1 per cookie!!  That is WAY cheaper than a GU, gel or bar.  And better for you.

Hit me up for your Tri Cookies today at 619-987-7962 or email me at lilredbmw@yahoo.com.  Feel free to pass this on to friends, family, athletes and other cookie enthusiasts!!  Spread the love!

Modern-Day Hippie

Cancer changed me.  I'm not the same person.  That doesn't mean I'm worse off than before.  Quite the opposite, actually.  You can't really say that you are happy for it, but you can look back and be grateful.  I was thinking a lot about this in the time leading up to my most recent surgery.  What changed?  Why?  Will I ever be the same?  Do I love the person I've become?  Have I reached my potential?

I didn't really ask these questions before I was diagnosed.  I sped through my life tied up with a pretty bow and a smile on my face.  Like being on the freeway, I was fast and didn't ever really enjoy the view.  I knew where I was going and I was determined to get there as quickly as possible.  I mean, what other way would you get to where you were going?  And then you hear that awful "C" word and you stop.  Slam on the brakes and you are off that freeway.  Parked on the side of the road, wondering where to go now.  You are forced to hold a mirror up and examine who you are.  How are you going to handle this?  How will this define you?  Who are you?

I took a long look in that mirror and it was apparent that the smile wasn't as genuine as I would have hoped.  I was not the person that I wanted to be.  I had spent so long, going so fast, and stressing out over the most minor things, that I had never stopped to evaluate things.  It was chaos.  And I was so used to the chaos that I wrote it off as being passionate, driven, determined, motivated and Type-A. 

After I was diagnosed and I learned of the treatment, I was all for anything that I could do to help myself.  Things that I would have looked at previously as somewhat odd, alternative or hokey, I was now wide open to.  Like I said, it changes you.  As long as it doesn't hurt you, it's worth a shot.  Because you are desperate at this point.  And that's one of the things I learned about myself during this process.  Be open.  Be open about who you are.  Be open to new ideas.  Be open to alternative ways of thinking.  Because if you are not, you have hindered yourself.  Big time.

The first thing I did was really clean up my diet.  Yes, more than before.  People get really curious, so I'll tell you.  It's super exciting, I'm sure.  I eat whole foods.  Antioxidants are my friend.  If it's not from the ground, I don't eat it.  Cancer thrives on sugars and processed foods.  Soy, dairy, gluten are also not my friends.  So, while some people see these things as a joyous occasion, I see them as the enemy.  I am not going to feed my cancer.  I need to at least try to fuel my body in a positive direction.  I still eat poorly on occasion.  Once a week, I indulge.  It's a balance, and I'm not perfect.  But people don't realize how important nutrition is.  You are creating a terrain for things to thrive, survive, heal, power, drive.  I have learned that I need to set myself up to succeed in this area.  And, man, it is fun to learn how to cook things that are nutritious, beautiful and healthy!!

The next thing I did was visit a Reiki energy healer.  That changed my life.  If you had told me about that 5 years ago, I would have called you a hippy and chuckled.  Not that it's bad, but it was never really my style.  I mean, I went through a "phase" in middle school, but let's not go there;)  But when you are stuck on the side of the road, and you don't know where to go, anything is better than sitting there wondering what you can do.  You make an attempt to move forward in any way you can.  And for me, that was Reiki.  It stopped me.  Do you know it is possible to move, forward, slowly?  You don't have to go fast all the time.  You can get off the freeway, and take side streets and see all kinds of cool things.  You can slow down, and you can learn who you really are.  You can slow down, and still be YOU.  Slowing down, despite popular opinion, does not mean you are stunted.  Slowing down means you are willing to take the time to learn who you are, and strive to reach your true potential.  You will never do that moving at 80mph on the freeway.

After becoming a modern day hippie, I learned to meditate and I now do it every day.  How do people get through life with out meditating?  I will never know.  It has given me the gift of time, reflection, focus and mind control.  I thought I could control my mind before.  No, I was out of control.  Meditation is really one of the most important exercises I do every day.  We all focus so much on the vessel we live in, how our bodies look, but we neglect our mind.  So, I make it a point to make time to work out my mind.  If you think about it, throughout your day you are filled up with so many things.  Stress from work, spouses, children, etc.  Your "Inbox" fills up.  And unless you can empty it at the end of the day, it will just keep filling and filling until it's overwhelming and you crash.  Meditating is my way of letting things go, so that I can move on to the next day clear and free.

Those are the major changes I made.  Perspective.  Learning more about ME.  Who am I?  Who do I want to be?  Have a reached my true potential?  I still don't completely know, but I am on my way.  Sometimes, you take the freeway, and other times you take the side streets.  There's a time for both.  As long as you are moving forward, you will never steer yourself wrong.   

Pants off, postive attitude on...

The last time I had to have surgery for cervical cancer I looked back on it and I was grateful.  I learned so much about myself, and I grew more than I thought I could.  I learned patience, compassion and I learned more about love.  Love for myself, mostly.  I know how to love another, but loving yourself can be the hardest part.  So, lesson learned. 

When I found out a few weeks ago that the cancer had either not been removed successfully, or it had returned with a vengeance, I couldn't believe it.  Everything happens for a reason, right?  So, I got cervical cancer for a reason and I found out what that reason was.  Why am I being faced with this again?  I learned my lesson.  I don't need more practice!  But, that's only my opinion...

Walking in to an oncology office was surreal.  There was coffee, and a tea station, and Jolly Ranchers.  Walking back to the bathroom, you see people sitting in leather recliners receiving chemo.  The bathroom is gorgeous.  And none of it makes up for the fact that you have to be there in the first place.  In the beautiful lobby, people are sharing cancer stories, and you think, "I don't belong here."  But, you're here for a reason.  And you are about to find out why. 

Waiting to see an oncologist is a very scary thing.  Attempting to live in the present, I pretty much denied it until the day of.  But, really, it was like having mail at your house, addressed to you, with your fate inside....and you can't touch it for weeks.  And when you finally arrive, you are surrounded by something that is so much larger than you.  I sat there, waiting, for two hours.  I got smaller and smaller as the time went on.  As I got smaller, I also got hungrier and no one seemed to understand the severity of that situation.  If you know me, you understand that we might be dealing with a larger problem, but hunger will not help.  In order to occupy myself, I turned on Pandora and would you believe the song that came on?  Bob Marley, Three Little Birds.  "Singin' don't worry, about a thing.  'Cause every little thing's gonna be alright."  Jeff and I looked at each other in disbelief.

I'm getting used to meeting doctors with no pants on.  You'd think it's not normal, but it's becoming a pretty standard practice for me.  Basically, keeping all the technicalities aside, I go in for another surgery on July 17th.  The oncologist will use a more specialized, tricky and advanced technique in an attempt to remove it all, for good, this time.  She will also do more biopsies to see if it has spread.  And if it has, well, then it's time for a hysterectomy.  But for now, I got the best news possible.  No chemo, no radiation, no hysterectomy(yet).  The doctor doesn't want me to do anything for two weeks.  After three, she said I can go back to my "normal" training.  Funny thing, that when you are training for an Ironman, you have to really specify what your training routine is like.  So, here I am, no pants on, and I'm asking when I can return to my normal workout routine.  "At the END of three weeks."  "So, by 'normal' I mean working out like 4 hours a day.  Is that okay?"  And you can tell she was thinking, "Why would anyone want to do that?"  But instead she politely responded with, "As long as you are feeling up to it, then yes."  I almost gave her a hug.  She also complimented me on my legs, which almost made it worth it that I had to have them off.  Again.

I keep getting asked the same questions, so I will address them here.  How am I feeling?  I don't know.  I feel frustrated sometimes, but mostly I feel like here I am again.  And I can't tell you why, and even if I could it wouldn't matter, would it?  What am I going to do now?  Well, now, I am going in for surgery on Wednesday and then I will focus on recovering.  Day by day.  I will do what my body tells me.  If I can go back to work in a week, then I would love to.  If I can start walking, hiking and cycling within a couple weeks, I will.  If I am in pain, I will slow it down.  I will listen to my body.  The biggest question is...Will I still do Ironman?  Hey, your guess is as good as mine!  I'm going to have to see how my recovery goes.  I hope that Ironman is still in the cards for me.  It's going to be a struggle any way at this point.  I will have lost at least three weeks of crucial training time.  Ironman isn't a race you just "suck it up" at.  See, for Ironman you need the training AND the "suck it up."  And I don't need to hear anything about, "Don't give up!  You still have to do Ironman!"  If it's meant to be, and doesn't affect my recovery, then I will.  But, at this point, my focus has to shift from an endurance event I've dreamed of doing, to my health.  My future.  And as much as I love my dream of Ironman, I learned after my last diagnosis that I have to come first.  And it doesn't pay off to have one foot out the door during recovery.  You have to be all in.

I spent most of my life battling.  I lived my life as if I was battling the ocean.  Going the way I thought I was supposed to go.  Just fighting.  And now, well, I learned to surf...if you will.  You give me a wave and I'll ride it.  I go with the flow.  If I'm pulled under, I'm calm.  I know I will breathe again.  And through this all, the best I can do is go with the flow, and enjoy the ride.  I can't control a lot of this.  But I can control how I choose to handle this.  And I choose to handle it with grace, love and patience.  Perspective.  Perspective.